Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I have angered the EDS gods

Since my last post, I have not used my wheels.
This is for a couple of reasons. The first being, that I took it all pretty hard. The reality of the whole situation has been a tough thing to accept. It makes things that looked possible now appear daunting. Hopefulness and excitement sometimes turn to dread and other fun thoughts. The list of "Can't do" has gotten a little longer along with the "I'm not sure if I want to" list. It's a good thing that these negative, less enjoyable emotions and thoughts are only temporary.

As much as I love living in Toronto, it's not accessible. I'm so used to having legs that can walk me anywhere, and fast. Wheels and things that aren't accessible do nothing but slow me down a lot. I'm one of those people who have always walked fast, and sometimes want to throw stuff at the people who crowd the sidewalks slowly meandering in every direction. That combined with wheels makes me CRAZY!!! I went to Kensington market the other day it's a couple blocks filled with independent stores, restaurants and community art. It's very pedestrian friendly,but not at all wheelchair accessible. I love going, but it's now grueling. The trip was worth it, as I got the most delicious vegan sandwich at the Urban Herbivore. On the way home, I found a Chinese medicine herbalist store. The stinky analgesic plasters (aka my new boy friend) we on sale, woot! It doesn't take much to make this girl happy.

The other night I must have angered the EDS gods. I was using my lap-top when I dislocated my middle finger. My index and ring finger are a little sore, but I think it's due to inflammation. The middle finger is being held (supported) together with Kinesio-tape and also gets iced. Can't use the wheels when you've got one working hand. I had to laugh, as of right now, I'm down to one working limb...It's a good thing I'm used to doing everything with one hand and have learned to adapt years ago. Today at work I took kiddo to the beach, we try to go at least twice a week. He lives about a 15 min walk, and it's such a great place to teach a ton of skills and apply things we've been learning in science. There's nothing like being paid to teach a kid how to be a beach-bum. There's major therapy embedded in it, I swear. I can still go to the beach, dig in the sand, play in the water and make mud creations even with one hand. Don't ever let EDS stop you from going to the beach.

In the last week I have to put into practice living moment to moment at times, and I had to face a lot of scary, unwanted realities. Getting through those moments can be hard, and harder if you're avoiding a good cry. Pushing it all down works for a second, but it gets more intense and harder to escape from. Giving yourself a couple minutes to feel everything as it is, and be whatever it is you need to be isn't fun but necessary. It allows you to get some of it out, so your can get back up, and continue on your way to forging a trail that looks more do-able.

" Your enemies = your teachers
Your failures = your wisdom
Your mistakes = your lucky discoveries
Your conflicts = your growth opportunities
Your undesirable endings = your desirable beginnings
Your grapes of wrath = your raison detre
Your painful feelings = your proud proof that you're dealing with your feelings head on!"

(How to be Happy Dammit!)

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